Lessons from Parenting that Changed How I Lead

Becoming a mother made me naturally better at putting problems into perspective. This happened unexpectedly, and not necessarily in the ways I saw coming.

When you’re responsible for raising a little human who depends on you for everything, you realise that many things you once saw as “problems” are really just challenges, and they can be managed accordingly.

Other things that I once saw as extremely important, not just for my efficiency, but for my actual well-being, became easier to put in perspective.

Here are some thoughts on this matter, which you can take or leave. If you found this article on Subvisual’s social media pages, I’d love it if you shared your perspective afterwards. It will be very interesting to read everyone else’s takes.

So how do I handle the challenges I once saw as problems? I still take the time to understand them, and I now find it easier to follow one of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: asking myself if this is in my circle of influence, or just in my circle of concern. If it’s only in my circle of concern, I let it go. I don’t have the mental space to hold on to it anymore.

Parenthood gave me this perspective, but I believe anyone — whether a parent or not — should work towards seeing problems this way. Chaos is part of life. If it’s within my circle of influence, I define clear next steps. If not, I let it be.

Motherhood also taught me to accept that I have zero control over my schedule, and that’s okay. At first, that lack of control was stressful. But with less time available, I learned to be intentional about prioritising what truly matters. My to-do list will never be empty, and I’m okay with that, because I know I’m focusing on what’s most important.

Children are still learning how to handle emotions. And honestly, I don’t think adults are that different. The main difference is just in the intensity of the response. We’ve learned to control our reactions a bit better, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel things strongly.

One thing I realized with my son is the power of simply feeling understood. Helping him name his emotions and, most importantly, accept them has a significant impact on how he reacts. The so-called “tantrums” started to pass more quickly when I stopped distracting him and instead acknowledged what he was feeling. Accepting an emotion doesn’t mean I agree with it or that I don’t think it’s exaggerated. It’s simply saying what he might be feeling. As soon as he feels understood, the intensity of the emotion softens.

I noticed I was applying the same mental process in my 1:1s at work. With adults, it’s often about sharing my perception of how they might be feeling, or just directly asking them, “How are you feeling about this?” The result is the same: people feel heard. And when that happens, the connection grows. None of this was a strategic leadership decision; my mind just started doing it naturally with my son, and it spilled over into how I work.

My child’s achievements are 100% his, but also mine. These two things are not in conflict. Watching him work on a puzzle, getting frustrated, asking for help, I resist offering help and instead encourage him to keep trying, and tell him I believe he can do it. Seeing him then complete it on his own is pure joy. Celebrating that victory together is incredibly rewarding.

At work, it’s similar. We all need small and big wins along the way, and we need to celebrate them with others. Positive reinforcement and constructive feedback help us grow, and we need to feel that our effort is recognized. We also need to feel ownership over what we do, knowing there’s support around us.

Giving ownership isn’t always easy. Sometimes the thought is, “I can do this faster myself, I’m used to it.” But without giving ownership, people don’t get the chance to grow truly. And giving ownership can create some anxiety, but parenthood taught me something about how this manifests.

Imagine this: I’m running late to take my child to school. He’s recently learned to put on his shoes by himself. I’m tempted to do it for him, but he insists on doing it himself. This happens in almost every tiny daily routine. Living with a toddler trains your patience, and I’ve learned that patience is a superpower. Of course, there are limits: if he’s heading toward danger, I need to step in. But within safe boundaries, patience allows others — children or team members — to learn, try, and succeed on their own.

With my son, I noticed that this mental process brought better results:

• Instead of just saying “Good job!”, I describe the observable behaviour: “I saw the floor was clean and the books were neatly aligned.”
• I share the positive impact it created: “It’s such a pleasure to walk into this room!”
• I’m careful with praise because I know that excessive praise can create dependency on external approval, so I’m selective, prioritising the moments I find most important.

With adults, the language changes, but the need for positive reinforcement is still very real. And the best way to do it isn’t just saying “Great work,” but pointing out exactly what the person did well. At Subvisual, we’re still getting better at this. As a team, we naturally love solving problems (or “challenges”), so our focus often goes there rather than on descriptive recognition of what people have done well. We’ve been using the Gallup Strengths methodology, which has helped us give positive reinforcement in a more natural way. We still have work to do, but I feel it’s slowly becoming part of our culture.

Children test us to see how we react. It’s how they learn limits and the rules of society. When I started using this way of communicating with my child (Communicating with “I feel” Instead of “You are”), I noticed he didn’t shut down as much and wasn’t as defensive. For example, he sometimes speaks very loudly. Instead of saying, “You’re speaking too loudly again, can you lower your voice?” I began saying, “It gives me a headache when people around me speak so loudly.” Of course, it doesn’t always work, but this approach of not labelling him changed our dynamic for the better.

Bringing this to work, much of my feedback starts with “I feel” or “I didn’t like it when this happened; it made me feel…”. Sharing my own emotions also shows vulnerability, and this opens the door to more honest and open communication. People don’t feel personally attacked because it’s my emotion, and I’m the only one responsible for it. Integrating emotional intelligence into the workplace has always been important to me. I believe leaders need the ability to talk about emotions with their teams. It’s fundamental for building trust, understanding, and stronger collaboration.

With my son, I’ve seen first-hand the impact of a simple, genuine apology. It wasn’t new to me — I’ve always believed in the value of apologising — but with children, their responses are so honest and direct that it’s impossible to ignore how much it can change the course of a conversation.

Conflicts are inevitable, whether with children or adults. When they happen, my approach is to offer a sincere apology and rebuild the connection. In those moments, I find it’s important to face the challenge together, involving the other person in finding a solution and moving forward. This not only strengthens the relationship but also builds a deeper sense of responsibility and cooperation.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned — both as a parent and as a leader — is that people often don’t want solutions; they just want to be heard. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to acknowledge what someone is feeling, without trying to fix it right away.

Validating emotions, even when they seem “over the top”, builds trust. It’s not about agreeing with the emotion, it’s about saying: “I see you, I hear you.” And I’ve realised that vulnerability and self-reflection are not weaknesses; they’re actually some of the strongest leadership tools we have.

For me, leadership, just like parenting, is about human connection, patience, and helping others grow. It’s not about always getting it right, it’s about showing up with honesty and care.

I remind myself often: “It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being real.”

So I’ll leave you with this: Think about what you’ve learned in your personal life that could make you a more empathetic and authentic leader. You might be surprised at how much the two worlds can teach each other.

• I never thought parenting would make me a better COO… but I think it did.
• Parenting and leadership are more alike than most people think.
• There was no single “aha” moment.
• It was a slow realization: the same techniques that calmed, guided, and empowered my child worked surprisingly well with our team.

These are the top 3 books that shaped my thinking: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, and The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read.